From FAITH to COURAGE

I dedicate my spiritual walk in March to the principle of faith, so inevitably my faith gets tested and strengthened. My spiritual practice for April is dedicated to the principal of courage, so April is always a scaryyyyyyyyyy month.  But it is also when spring comes which together points to new beginnings and new promises. NEW ADVENTURES!!!

In this past month, I have done two half marathons, kayaked on the Florida east coast and west coast, helped many an alcoholic and addict, worked on articles and papers I am writing, spending time trying to repair wreckage of my past, and more importantly working on building the foundation to my dreams for the future.  I live in parallel worlds of disciplined routines and chaotic unpredictability.  But each day the sun rises and so do I, living each day with purpose...with a sense of hope, faith and...courage.

We all need mentors

Having a sponsor or a spiritual, personal or professional mentor has been one of my 12 Rules for Living (See my blog post 1-1-11) The following reading from Hazelden particularly inspired me

"I believe that everyone needs a mentor." --Harry Bartholomew

We have all had mentors - many of them, in fact. We might not have labeled them as such, but throughout our lives we have been picking up ideas and mannerisms from many people. From some, we sought to learn specific skills, perhaps on the job or while in school. A few inadvertently became our mentors simply because of our proximity to them. Along the way, we may have chosen some mentors impulsively and to our detriment. The process of mentoring is how most of us learn, ultimately. Have we forgotten that we, too, have served as mentors for many others who have shared our journey?
We obviously are not through living yet. Thus we are not through mentoring either. Every encounter we have with someone is mentoring in action. One moment we're on the learning end; the next, perhaps we're acting as teacher. Mentoring has always been a two-way street.

We have never been able to control another's mentoring, but we have always been free to choose or refuse to follow his or her example. What we can control, and this has always been true, is the content of our own mentoring. Are we satisfied that we've done our best? Today I'll remember that my role as mentor isn't over yet.

You are reading from the book:
Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey
Keepers of the Wisdom © 1996 by Karen Casey. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

Prayer is Laying Hold of God's Highest Willingness

Let It Go - We must not conceive of prayer as an overcoming of God’s unwillingness, but as laying hold of His highest willingness.  — Richard Chenevix Trench, Archbishop of Dublin

When I was sentenced to prison for 24 months, I was certain that this was not the destiny that God had planned for me.  I admitted that I had totally screwed up my life through my alcoholism and that I had made so many mistakes in judgment as a result of my drinking and addiction to alcohol magnifying my character defects.  However, I was sure that God would rescue me from this hell.  Every morning, I would wake up at 5am and go out to the weight pile and lift weights and pray "Please, dear Lord, make a miracle and take me out of here; if You would save me so that I could Your work and help other alcoholics or addicts. Please!" I prayed this prayer or something similar to it for almost 4 months, certainly more than 100 days.

When no answer came, I started to pray, "OK, so if my wish is not Your wish, then what is my purpose here.  Please tell me why I must be here. Tell me what good is to come from this ordeal. Tell me what you want from me. Please!" I prayed this prayer for over 100 more days. Then, the answer came to me. 

The answer came to me in a voice, my voice, a thought in my head....it was as if this foreign idea was given to me.  "Steve, do you know why I have allowed you to experience this.  You wanted a miracle? The miracle is that, despite my help and my protection your whole life, you never had faith in me or in you.  Your worst fear was prison, so I decided to let you experience your worst fear so that you could see that We, you and I, could get through anything...Al your life, you never trusted me or you.  Every new stage of your life, you feared failure and yet you, we, always succeeded...so now, I decided to teach you to believe in you and to believe in Me.  I am sick of your doubt, sick of it.  So I decided that I would send you to where you would either sink or swim...so swim!!" I finally heard a message that I did not want to hear, but became open to hearing...God's Highest Willingness.

I was praying for rhinestones and God was offering me diamonds...

Praying or holding an intention for a particular result is not intended to be a struggle or endurance contest. True prayer can bring us peace and illumination as easily and effortlessly as flicking on a light switch brings light to a room.

After you have prayed sincerely, release your prayer to God. When you mail a letter, you must let go so it can be delivered to where it is going. After dropping the letter in the mailbox, you do not stand there and make sure no one tampers with it, watch to see that the letter carrier tucks it away safely, follow him or her back to the post office and trail the letter through the sorting process, insist on sitting next to the mail sack while it is being flown across country, follow it through its next sorting, do a se–curity check on the next postal deliverer, and make sure the addressee picks it up. At some point you must just let go and trust the postal service to do its job. To breathe down the neck of postal service workers would only annoy them and waste your energy.
Pray and act decisively, and then release your intentions so God can take care of you in ways that you could not take care of yourself.  I release my sense of struggle, and trust You to answer my prayers and fulfill my dream.

God is my trustworthy source of Good.  I let go and let God.
----------

This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life. If you liked today's meditation, please support the author and purchase the book by clicking here.

True Compass by Ted Kennedy

Ted Kennedy was a great and extremely flawed man whose mark on the United States will last for an eternity.  He was the sole surviving son of Joseph P. Kennedy and led a life of public service, success and defeat.  He remained a constant pilar or strength in tragedy after tragedy that befell his family.  He rarely spoke of his family's tragedies, but in the final chapter of his book, True Compass, he commented about his parents in a speech to Congress and said this:

"Every single one of us, if we are awake to the brokennes of the world and of our lives, wonders at some point, 'How could you allow this, O God? I believe, but help my unbelief.' and these questions, this wonder, this pain and this pleading knows no bounds of faith - for the simple hard fact is that God plays no favorities; that we all suffer; that we all die; that, at one time or another, we shake our fists at God; and that, if we are lucky, we all come home to God in the end.  Thomas Carlyle siad, 'I had a life long quarrel with God but we made up in the end.'

The hardest thing for any human being to understand is that God loves even those who take what is most precious from us.  The most awesome thing about God is the width of His embrace.  I think that in the end my mother understood that too, for she never allowed her grief to cloud her joy, never allowed that moment of despair to impede a lifetime of laughter.

Relationships like that don't even require words.  At the end of my mother's life, when she could no longer speak, the smallest of children in the family used to love to spend time with her, exactly because there was no expectation that they would have to talk to her as they did with other adults.  We who sometimes drown in words could afford to learn that sometimes the deepest relationships are built without them."

I could not express these thoughts better...Thank you, Audrianne, for sharing them with me...XOX.

Life Beginning Anew - Spring

Life Beginning


Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.
— John Henry Cardinal Newman

The following mediation was a post from "In The Rooms" today which I was so moved by, I had to repost it.  The most wonderful thing that I learned through my addiction and recovery was that I was forced to face the worst truths about myself and when I was told I may have to go to prison, I wanted to die. I would have done anything to avoid it, but in the end, it was one of hte best things that ever happened to me. It was not that prison was so educational, but rather that I survived and thrived the worst thing I ever imagined and that life would begin anew.
The story I heard was this one:

When I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 17, I was sure that my life had come to an end, ” Edward told the seminar audience. “I hated the chemotherapy, all the med-icalese, and the whole arena of sickness I seemed to enter. Sure, my body didn’t feel good, but my Spirit was dying in all those morbid thoughts. Then, one day I was scheduled for chemotherapy when I discovered that there was a Grateful Dead concert the same night. The concert was much more attractive than the chemo, and I struggled with the decision over what to do. I realized that I had lived my whole life trying to please my parents and make everyone happy. I decided that this was my chance to make myself happy, and I went to the concert. Soon my condition was reversed, and I have been cancer free for years. I believe that it was my choice to be kind to myself that made all the difference. ”

It is not the years in our life that count, but the life in our years. We may live a long time in a small shell of fear, or a short time in a blaze of celebration. When we follow our spirit and live from joy rather than self-protection, the whole world opens up to us, and we have the power to make our dreams come true.

Cheri Huber declared, “I don’t want to tiptoe through life just to arrive safely at death. ” What dreams have you been postponing? What steps could you take now to make them a reality? Do you live from fear or delight? What gift could you give yourself that would remind you that life is beautiful and worth living? Answer these questions honestly, and the road to freedom will be illumined for you.
I want to live today. I want to put my dreams into action. I want to leave behind all that is not me and fully celebrate my gifts. Thank you for showing me the way to freedom.  Today I begin my life anew.

I take my life in my hands and celebrate every wonderful opportunity to soar.
----------
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life. If you liked today's meditation, please support the author and purchase the book.

HOPE

What I never seem to remember is that when I pray for HOPE, God gives me lessons to test my hope and to rely on Him for Hope.  This February has definitely been a month of tests in Hope.  - Me

Do not forget to hope and happy be." John McLeod, from Do Not Forget To Hope


"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." Oscar Wilde

"Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory." Norman Vincent Peale

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"The feeling of hopefulness sometimes comes from someone helping us. Think back to a time when you had lost hope. Many times we regained our optimism because someone gave us a helping hand." Catherine Pulsifer, from Poem for Hope
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." Author Unknown, from Is Packaging Important To You?
"While wishing and hoping makes you a dreamer, acting and doing makes you someone who can turn dreams into reality." Nan S. Russell, from Wishing and Hoping
"Hold your head high, stick your chest out. You can make it. It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes. Keep hope alive." Jesse Jackson
"To be without hope is like being without goals, what are you working towards?" Catherine Pulsifer
"Hope is the last thing ever lost." Italian Saying
"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however." Richard Bach
"What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life." Emil Brunner
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." Helen Keller
"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance." Author Unknown, from Dear Bertha
"Hope never abandons you; you abandon it." George Weinberg

Rebirth...The First Day of Spring

Today, the first day of spring, I ran with some good friends in the Florida Halfathon, a 13.1 mile race at Fort DeSoto, Tierra Verde, Florida. The full moon gave way to beautiful sunshine, a cool gulf breeze guided the runners around the island and the beauty of the place was so profound that I often was overcome with joy at another rebirth.  Christians are often "born again" and I think that is wonderful to feel awakened to a sense of eternal life.  Henry David Thoreau said that only he who is fully awaken is truly alive (not a direct quote) but the meaning for me is to try each day to embrace life in its fullest spiritual largeness, not confined by worry or fear.  Life is meant to be truly lived and today I am doing it better and better each day...When I welcome the first day or spring, I can join in nature to grow and experience a rebirth of my own...

The Lion and the Lamb

The lion and the lamb are my childhood images of March. "March rolls in like a lion and out like a lamb." But since March is my month to cultivate faith, I am curious about how this image can be incorporated into this concept.  Henri J.M. Nouwen uses the images of the loin and the lamb to encourage us to "Let our Lion Lie Down with Our Lamb."  In other worlds, let our duality exist in peaceful harmony. 

My lion is my adult, agressive self.  It is my initiative-taking and decision-making self.  My lamb is my fearful, vulernable self, the part of me that needs affection, support, affirmation and nurturing.  The art of spirtual living is to fully claim both my lion and my lamb. 

Everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be at every moment

The idea that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be at every moment is probably the most difficult concept that I have ever had to accept and, admittedly, my acceptance of this concept is not unwaivering.  I do not understand how injustice, natural calamity and human foibles can be part of God's plan.  How can everything be part of a plan?  If God is everything, then how can He/She/It allow so much suffering.  I have studied this issue and thought seriously about this concept.  Proof of it is beyond my comprehension and reasonable minds can differ, but in my recovery I learned about Acts of Providence. 

I learned that in the depth of my disease and alcholism, only an Act of Providence could restore me to sanity.  But what was an Act of Providence?  The best definition I heard was from Mickey Bush who said that an Act of Providence was something bad that God could have prevented, but chose not to, so that good could come from it.  Hmmm.  How could racism, violence, war, child abuse, domestic violence be something that God would allow so that good could come from it? I don't know, but I have this faith that it will be revealed to me. 

In my own circumstance, I was the cause of all my problems; all my problems, all of them, were of my own making and I have choices, I always have choices, to be noble or petty, to do right or wrong, to see the good or give in to the bad.  I have the freedom to up out of the plan any time.  However, since I have free will, I must choose wisely. We all have choices and so each moment can be considered a teaching moment.  For me, and only for me, I choose to believe that all suffering has value and that there are no mistakes in God's world.  This is my ultimate test of faith...help me in my belief, help me in my unbelief.

Building Spiritual Muscle

I have learned that buidling spiritual muscle is much like building physical strength; it is most difficult when we are really out of shape and start doing it again after a long absence from the spiritual gym.  But just as the effort is more difficult in the beginning, the results are that much more dramatic. It also just comes upon us gradually...like one day after weeks and months of physical training, we notice the difference in our bodies.  In spiritual fitness, things that seemed difficult suddenly work themselves out.  We feel a sense of peace without knowing why. We begin to see a change long after it has occurred.

Faith - The bird who sings in darkness knowing that the sun will shine...

Every morning I wake up between 4:30 am and 5:00 am to meditate and get ready for the gym or to run and every morning at that hour, the darkness outside is profound, but just about an hour before daylight breaks, I begin to hear birds begin to sing.  They know, they simply know that daylight is coming and they intuitively begin to sing to welcome the day.  I want this kind of faith; that intuituve, not reasoned, faith that daylight will come shortly after the darkest hour.  In the last few weeks, this world has seen too much darkness, but I know that as each day comes, miracles are possible and life begins just when the hour is darkest.



March - The Month of Faith

What can I say about faith and adventure that has not been said? Most likely nothing. But I believe that my understanding of faith is that it is hope with trust.  I was told that God asks only one thring of Him - TRUST HIM.  That's all. So, I decided that I would trust Him.  It seems that trust is a very good thing and that to trust someone is also a very, very good thing and that lack of trust is often at the root of my problems - lack of trust and lack of faith. 

10 years ago, I still had everything...a pretigious career, a life partner, a beautiful home, expensive car and lots of grown up toys...I did not have everything though.  I did not have trust in myself or anyone else.  I was loving but without trust.  Five years ago, I was sober...but I lacked faith. 

I had to lose everything tangible to find my faith.  I was in prison for 10 months and every day I woke up at 5:00 am and went out to the weight pile to lift weights and spend time with God where I could beg, beg Him for a miracle to send me home...to set me free. For over 5 months I prayed fervently to be set free and made many "fox hole" promises as I bargained for my independence.  Finally, a message came to me...

A voice in my head came to me that did not seem to be mine and it said "Steve, do you want to know why I sent you here?  Do you really, really want to know why you have to be here?"  I answered that I did.  The voice replied "Because I am sick and tired of your doubt, your doubt in yourself and your doubt in Me!" I then heard "I am sick and tired of your lack of faith in yourself and in Me...so I decided to allow you to go to the worst place that you imagined so that you can live through the worst that you can imagine and prove to yourself who you are and that I will protect you and I will help you, not only survive this experience, but, if you choose, I will help you thrive!"  I will finally force you to confront the truth of who you are - you can rise or you can fall - I am here and the choice is yours." That was the message I received and so I decided, "OK. Let's do this." I stopped praying to be set free and started praying for God's will to be revealed - what an adventure this has become.

.