Goals

Summer Solstice

Yesterday was the Summer Solstice, when the day is the longest day of the year.  I use that as a benchmark for the first half of the year and set goals accordingly. For the past three years, I celebrated the beginning of summer by going for a long run in New Smyrna Beach and I got there in time to watch the sun come up and ran the length of the beach and back for about 12 miles.   I ran into a crab who was determined to stare my down; then I looked up and saw two to three dolphin just a few meters offshore having a breakfast of smaller fish.  Sobriety. Seasons. Serenity. Sunshine.

Failure is not fatal; Success is not permanent

When I was young I would quit anything that I was not almost instantly good at doing and I would rarely do things that would make me feel less than others.  When I was 12 years old, I played Little League Baseball and for two summers I struck out every single time.  I never got a hit.  I prayed and prayed, "Please let me get one hit! Just once." But it never happened.

Later in my life, I became very successful and took credit for everything, but I failed and did everything I could to cover my mistakes and even lied about it.  Eventually lying became the rule.  After I got sober, I vowed to live a life of truth and today I try very hard to be honest and have integrity, even when I make mistakes.  Today I am a marathon runner, but I am not good at it.  I just never quit.  This year I have a goal to run 11 marathons - half and full.  The year is half over and I have run 1 full marathon, 5 half marathons and many shorter races.

I am reminded of a statement made by Michael Jordan "I have mised more than 9,000 shots, lost almost 300 games, on 26 occasions have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot ... and missed.  I have failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Happy Father's Day

Today is father's day and I love my father.  He has been the best father that he can be.  He is 75 years old this year and has had an incredibly good life. Yet he has never seemed content or happy.  My father is not an alcoholic, but he father was a severe chronic alcoholic and was very abusive to my father.  My father has a speach impediment for which he is very self-conscious.  My father is a rage-a-holic and is in denial of the effect that his rage has had on his life.  The dyamic is the same. 

Sometimes being with my father is very difficult.  He has a good heart, but is incapable of speaking from it.  He never has a problem expressing himself in rage, but he has infinite patience with children and never forgets a name.  He is very ego driven and he has many fears.  In many ways, we are very similar.  When I was young I could not wait to get away and lead my own life.  When my alcoholism took control of my life, I disgusted him but he never condemned or belittled me.  Like our Great Father, he showed infinite mercy. 

In recover, we learn to make peace with people in our lives that create conflict.  I have been the recipient of great generosity from my parents over the last several years as I reclaim my life and my father has adjusted to my fall and failure with tremendous grace and acceptance.  He is still proud of me.  I am very proud of him.

Shakespeare said "When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father; both cry." I am grateful that we have done more laughing than crying."

A Poem "Drunks" by Jack Mc.

I received a copy of this poem when I was doing a substantial amends and it brought me so much happiness, sadness and hope for Jack Mc's ability to capture so poignantly the disease of alcoholism.  I ready it and share it with people in treatment centers, prisons and detox hospitals.  Thank you, Jack, for sharing your talent with us.

DRUNKS for my father, and the people who almost saved his life We died of pneumonia in furnished rooms where they found us three days later when somebody complained about the smell we died against bridge abutments and nobody knew if it was suicide and we probably didn't know either except in the sense that it was always suicide we died in hospitals our stomachs huge, distended and there was nothing they could do we died in cells never knowing whether we were guilty or not. We went to priests they gave us pledges they told us to pray they told us to go and sin no more, but go we tried and we died we died of overdoses we died in bed (but usually not the Big Bed) we died in straitjackets in the DTs seeing God knows what creeping skittering slithering shuffling things And you know what the worst thing was? The worst thing was that nobody ever believed how hard we tried We went to doctors and they gave us stuff to take that would make us sick when we drank on the principle of so crazy, it just might work, I guess or maybe they just shook their heads and sent us places like Dropkick Murphy's and when we got out we were hooked on paraldehyde or maybe we lied to the doctors and they told us not to drink so much just drink like me and we tried and we died we drowned in our own vomit or choked on it our broken jaws wired shut we died playing Russian roulette and people thought we'd lost but we knew better we died under the hoofs of horses under the wheels of vehicles under the knives and bootheels of our brother drunks we died in shame And you know what was even worse? was that we couldn't believe it ourselves that we had tried we figured we just thought we tried and we died believing that we didn't know what it meant to try When we were desperate enough or hopeful or deluded or embattled enough to go for help we went to people with letters after their names and prayed that they might have read the right books that had the right words in them never suspecting the terrifying truth that the right words, as simple as they were had not been written yet We died falling off girders on high buildings because of course ironworkers drink of course they do we died with a shotgun in our mouth or jumping off a bridge and everybody knew it was suicide we died under the Southeast Expressway with our hands tied behind us and a bullet in the back of our head because this time the people that we disappointed were the wrong people we died in convulsions, or of "insult to the brain" we died incontinent, and in disgrace, abandoned if we were women, we died degraded, because women have so much more to live up to we tried and we died and nobody cried And the very worst thing was that for every one of us that died there were another hundred of us, or another thousand who wished that we could die who went to sleep praying we would not have to wake up because what we were enduring was intolerable and we knew in our hearts it wasn't ever gonna change One day in a hospital room in New York City one of us had what the books call a transforming spiritual experience and he said to himself I've got it (no you haven't you've only got part of it) and I have to share it (now you've ALMOST got it) and he kept trying to give it away but we couldn't hear it the transmission line wasn't open yet we tried to hear it we tried and we died we died of one last cigarette the comfort of its glowing in the dark we passed out and the bed caught fire they said we suffocated before our body burned they said we never felt a thing that was the best way maybe that we died except sometimes we took our family with us And the man in New York was so sure he had it he tried to love us into sobriety but that didn't work either, love confuses drunks and he tried and still we died one after another we got his hopes up and we broke his heart because that's what we do And the worst thing was that every time we thought we knew what the worst thing was something happened that was worse Until a day came in a hotel lobby and it wasn't in Rome, or Jerusalem, or Mecca or even Dublin, or South Boston it was in Akron, Ohio, for Christ's sake a day came when the man said I have to find a drunk because I need him as much as he needs me (NOW you've got it) and the transmission line after all those years was open the transmission line was open And now we don't go to priests and we don't go to doctors and people with letters after their names we come to people who have been there we come to each other and we try and we don't have to die A poem by Jack Mc. See his website http://www.sobermusicians.com/drunks.html

Oprah's Top 20 Things She Knows for Sure

OPRAH’S TOP 20 THINGS SHE KNOWS FOR SURE

Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

Sobriety

Sobriety never runs scared.  It is surefooted and confident. It can handle whatever comes along.
Sobriety has a sense of humor.  It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations.
Sobriety never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from mistakes.
Sobriety knows that good manners are nothing more than a series of petty sacrifices.
Sobriety bespeaks a class of people that have nothing to do with money.  Some extremely wealthy people have no sobriety while others who are struggling to make ends meet are loaded with it,
Sobriety is real.  You can't fake it.
The person with sobriety makes everyone feel comfortable because he is comfortable within himself.
If you have sobriety, you've got it made. If you don't have sobriety - no mater what else you have - it doesn't make any difference.

(Unknown - I found this on a card in a bookstore and do not know to whom it should be attributed, but I love it.)

10 Rules to Live by from the Daily Om

I receive many daily affirmations, but I really love the Daily Om.  This is one that I have decided to devote time to practicing for the month of June and the month of Action!!!

Staying Conscious

Staying Grounded in a Big City or Busy World

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down the. You will also discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members - loved ones, friends, or neighbors - can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often.  After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often "on the go" and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

Lose to Win...again and again.

 One of the people I respect the most is Emmanuel Jal, a Sudanese international hip-hop artist and human rights activist, began his Lose to Win campaign and ate only one meal a day for over 600 days between December 2008 and October 2010 to raise money for his charity, GUA Africa, and a school named after the woman who saved him, Emma Academy.  Today we spoke and shared inspiration.  I lost virtually everything and won myself and Emmanuel Jal's faith and spirit has carried me during very dark and frustating times.   He is all I aspire to be...joy of life, compassion for all, a will to survive and a determination to make the world better.