Going the distance

I have been told that if I want what I never had, I have to do what I have never done.

Freedom in difficult times

The wonderful thing about living a sober life is that no matter how hard days can seem and no matter how difficult circumstances may be, I no longer have...dread - that horrible sense of impending doom.  In recovery, we can still screw up.  We can still make mistakes, but we now have the tools to make amends, to fix our errors and make things right.  We can still do what is required and be responsible.  In recovery, responsibility means the ability to respond to life and all that life calls upon us to do.

 

MLK Day - Obama Inauguration

Here is a collection of 25 famous Martin Luther King Jr. quotes:

"A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus."

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

"A lie cannot live."

"A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan."

"A man can't ride your back unless it's bent."

"A right delayed is a right denied."

"A riot is the language of the unheard."

"At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love."

"Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see."

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals."

"I am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good."

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

"I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law."

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'"

"Means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek."

"Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals."

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice."

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."

"We must use time creatively."

MIRACLES

Honesty

Honesty is the guiding principle for January and "Always be honest" is my first principle for life which I try to follow daily.

Some reflections on honesty:

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. ~Henry Louis Mencken, A Little Book in C Major, 1916

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain

Who lies for you will lie against you. ~Bosnian Proverb

No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar. ~Abraham Lincoln

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. ~Thomas Carlyle

A half truth is a whole lie. ~Yiddish Proverb

A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind. ~Austin O'Malley

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. ~William Blake, "Auguries of Innocence," Poems from the Pickering Manuscript

The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold. ~Aristotle

The most dangerous untruths are truths moderately distorted. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby. ~George Herbert

With lies you may get ahead in the world - but you can never go back. ~Russian proverb

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. ~Josh Billings

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. ~Ambrose Bierce

A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. ~Edgar J. Mohn

When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback. ~Bill Copeland

Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it. ~Mark Twain

Honesty is never seen sitting astride the fence. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown

I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid. ~John Gotti

Worse than telling a lie is spending the rest of your life staying true to a lie. ~Robert Brault,  www.robertbrault.com

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams

Truth fears no questions. ~Unknown

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously. ~Thomas Sowell

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson

I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. ~Samuel Butler, Note-Books, 1912

The truth brings with it a great measure of absolution, always. ~R.D. Laing

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. ~Winston Churchill

If you want to ruin the truth, stretch it. ~Author Unknown

The truth is more important than the facts. ~Frank Lloyd Wright

Like all valuable commodities, truth is often counterfeited. ~James Cardinal Gibbons

Respect for the truth is an acquired taste. ~Mark Van Doren, Liberal Education, 1943

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants on. ~Winston Churchill

Always telling the truth is no doubt better than always lying, although equally pathological. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

If falsehood, like truth, had but one face, we would be more on equal terms. For we would consider the contrary of what the liar said to be certain. But the opposite of truth has a hundred thousand faces and an infinite field. ~Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

When a man lies, he murders some part of the world. ~Rospo Pallenberg and John Boorman, Excalibur, based on Le Morte d'Arthur by Thomas Malory

Honesty doesn't always pay, but dishonesty always costs. ~Michael Josephson, whatwillmatter.com

A lie is just the truth waiting to be itself. ~Terri Guillemets

It is not without good reason said, that he who has not a good memory should never take upon him the trade of lying. ~Michel de Montaigne, translated from French

People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty. ~Richard J. Needham

There is always a way to be honest without being brutal. ~Arthur Dobrin

If we were all given by magic the power to read each other's thoughts, I suppose the first effect would be to dissolve all friendships. ~Bertrand Russell

It is impossible to calculate the moral mischief, if I may so express it, that mental lying has produced in society. When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime. ~Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half. ~Author Unknown

When truth is divided, errors multiply. ~Eli Siegel, Damned Welcome

Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it. ~Emily Dickinson

Honesty pays, but it don't seem to pay enough to suit some people. ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard

A little candor never leaves me. It is what protects me. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian. ~John Updike

No mask like open truth to cover lies, As to go naked is the best disguise.
~William Congreve

Truth that is naked is the most beautiful, and the simpler its expression the deeper is the impression it makes; this is partly because it gets unobstructed hold of the hearer’s mind without his being distracted by secondary thoughts, and partly because he feels that here he is not being corrupted or deceived by the arts of rhetoric, but that the whole effect is got from the thing itself. ~Arthur Schopenhauer, translated from German

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so. ~Mark Twain, Notebook, 1935

Always tell the truth. Even if you have to make it up. ~Author Unknown

The truth is the only thing worth having, and, in a civilized life, like ours, where so many risks are removed, facing it is almost the only courageous thing left to do. ~E.V. Lucas

The highest compact we can make with our fellow is - "Let there be truth between us two forevermore." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. ~Oscar Wilde

The truth needs so little rehearsal. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. ~Mark Twain

Society can exist only on the basis that there is some amount of polished lying and that no one says exactly what he thinks. ~Lin Yutang

As important in a trusting relationship as the truths you share are the lies you never have to tell. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. ~Saki

It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. ~"Homer Simpson," from the television show The Simpsons

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. ~Groucho Marx

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. ~Mark Twain

Someday a computer will give a wrong answer to spare someone's feelings, and man will have invented artificial intelligence. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. ~Jerome K. Jerome

Always tell the truth. If you can't always tell the truth, don't lie. ~Author Unknown

I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. ~Mark Twain

Difficulties

I loved the prayer this morning at the sunrise meeting "I pray that I may welcome difficuties. I pray that they may test my strength and build my character." Before I got sober, I thought I should make hard work look effortless. I should never acknolwedge my struggle or fears or difficulties. In other words, I lived in massive denial. Today, I work my ass off. I struggle. I get tired. I lose hope for a few minutes once in a while. I get overwhelmed, but never defeated. I welcome failure as well as success - and I am grateful for both.

THE PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTIONIST

I love being an interventionist.  So far I have done over 70 interventions and all of them successful.  Only one individual failed to go to the treatment center we had planned, but he did get the right help he needed.  When I practiced law, I won a great number of victories for my clients.  No one ever said "Thank you.  You saved my life or you have saved our son, daughter, dad, mom..."  I am so happy to do this and hope I can do it for the rest of my life.

FIVE REASONS WHY I NEED A PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTIONIST FOR MY ADDICTED LOVED ONE AND TWELVE THINGS THAT THE PROFESSIONAL CAN DO

If your loved one is caught up in a destructive behavior, such as addiction to drugs or alcohol, gambling, Internet addiction or an eating disorder, these destructive behaviors will not improve by ignoring the problem and hoping it gets better, or by covering up or by shielding the loved one from the consequences of their actions.   In virtually all cases, by the time you realize there is a problem, the behavior has been going on for much longer than you think and is always much worse than you think.  Moreover, when an individual is caught up in addictive behavior, the very nature of the addiction is to lie, to deny, minimize and hide it.  Addiction is often caused a disease of deception for the very reason that the disease dictates the terms of disclosure and behavior.

But why do I need a professional interventionist?

1.      The Professional speaks the language of addiction, the language of normal people, and the language of recovery.  Often the Professional Interventionist serves as an interpreter.  The Interventionist is usually, or is best when, he or she is a recovering addict or alcoholic and understands the language of addictive thinking.  Examples of addictive thinking include statements such as “I have been lying to many people about my drinking, but if I go to treatment to get help when I am really not an alcoholic, that would really make me a liar and I need to be honest now” or “Why should I make any changes?  I am not the one with the problem; they are.  When others make the appropriate changes, I won’t need to drink or use any other drug.”  Often the family gets so frustrated at the addict or alcoholic that they either explode in rage or give up – the professional understands what the addictive thought process is and can communicate it to both parties.

2.      The family is susceptible to emotional blackmail.  Often the addict or alcoholic is highly manipulative and can often make the family members feel guilty for some imaginary or real excuse for their behavior, often blaming the family for some wrong that causes the loved one to drink or drug. Many times the manipulations are subtle and easily effective when the family is sued to it and the family patterns.

3.      The family has often been enabling the addict or alcoholic and cannot change their own behavior to see what the right solutions are.  Addiction is a family disease and everyone’s perceptions are altered by the drugs or alcohol.  The fact is that everyone is sick and everyone suffers from the addiction.  The addict or alcoholic simply has the closest relationship to the substance.  The Professional Interventionist can see in which ways the family enables the loved one and in which ways the loved one is manipulating the family.

4.      The family lacks credibility because they have not been through treatment themselves. Often no immediate family member is in recovery or gone to treatment.  Frequently, the addict or alcoholic will deflect criticism and attacks by family members by telling them that they know nothing about addiction so why should he or she listen to anything the family says.  Contrarily, the addict or alcoholic will accuse other family members of having a substance abuse problem or other problem worse than he or she has.  The addict or alcoholic will also accuse others “You take pills” or “You drink more than I smoke daily!”  The Professional can accurately defend the family and return the emphasis on the loved one.

5.      The main reason that the loved one does not want to get help or go to treatment is because he or she is afraid of the unknown – of what will happen. The Professional Interventionist knows what is going to happen in treatment and what recovery is like.  The Professional Interventionist has often been there – many of us, like me, were intervened upon ourselves.

What does the Professional Interventionist do?

1.      The Professional Interventionist should be trained and Board Certified with the Association of Professional Interventionists, with a BRI-I or a BRI-II.  The Interventionist should be knowledgeable in addiction and intervention techniques.  The Professional Interventionist is the source of knowledge on the problem and where to go for the solution.

2.      The Professional Interventionist will understand what is motivating the loved one to stay in his or her destructive behavior patterns and where to turn for the right solutions and resources to address the various issues from which the loved one is suffering.

3.      The Professional Interventionist will apply emotional pressure when needed and relieve the pressure when necessary.

4.      The Professional Interventionist will cut through addictive thinking and behaviors and enabling thinking and behaviors to bring everyone to focus on the real problem.

5.      The Professional Interventionist will alleviate the fears of the family and the addicted loved one.

6.      The Professional Interventionist will provide information and knowledge on the disease concept, the co-occurring disorders, and the solutions available.

7.      The Professional Interventionist will keep everyone calm when family members start to get elevated or overly emotional.

8.      The Professional Interventionist will seek to provide a safe and secure setting and environment for everyone concerned.

9.      The Professional Interventionist will coordinate various forms of care, including detox, medical care, psychological care, addiction services and special needs care for the loved one.

10.  The Professional Interventionist can successfully transport the loved one through the fears and apprehensions and bring the loved one to treatment while helping the family members with their issues.

11.  The Professional Interventionist can start the family on their process of healing and recovery.

 

12.  The most important thing that the Professional Interventionist can do is give a great deal of hope to the addicted loved one and inspire the addicted loved one to imagine what a recovered life can be.

The following is an article by Casa Palmira www.casapalmira.com

7 Ways to Heal Your Childhood Trauma

Children are often viewed as highly resilient and able to bounce back from just about any situation, but traumatic experiences in childhood can have severe and long-lasting effects well into adulthood if they are left unresolved. Childhood trauma can result from anything that makes a child feel helpless and disrupts their sense of safety and security, including: sexual, physical or verbal abuse; domestic violence; an unstable or unsafe environment; separation from a parent; neglect; bullying; serious illness; or intrusive medical procedures.
If you’re living with the emotional and psychological consequences of a traumatic childhood, there is hope. Here are seven ways to heal your childhood trauma and reclaim your life.

1. Acknowledge and recognize the trauma for what it is. Victims of childhood trauma often spend years minimizing the event or dismissing it by pretending it didn’t happen or by succumbing to feelings of guilt or self-blame. The only way you can begin healing is to acknowledge that a traumatic event did occur and that you were not responsible for it.

2. Reclaim control. Feelings of helplessness can carry well over into adulthood and can make you feel and act like a perpetual victim, causing you to make choices based on your past pain. When you’re a victim, the past is in control of your present. But when you’ve conquered your pain, the present is controlled by you. There may always be a battle between past and present, but as long as you’re willing to let go of the old defenses and crutches you used as a child to navigate your trauma, you will be able to reclaim control of your life now and heal your pain.

3. Seek support and don’t isolate yourself. A natural instinct that many trauma survivors have is to withdraw from others, but this will only make things worse. A big part of the healing process is connecting to other people, so make the effort to maintain your relationships and seek support. Talk to a trusted family member, friend or counselor and consider joining a support group for survivors of childhood trauma.

4. Take care of your health. Your ability to cope with stress will increase if you are healthy. Establish a daily routine that allows you to get plenty of rest, eat a well-balanced diet and exercise regularly. Most importantly, stay away from alcohol and drugs. These might provide temporary relief but will inevitably increase your feelings of depression, anxiety and isolation and can worsen your trauma symptoms. 

5. Learn the true meaning of acceptance and letting go. Just because you accept something doesn’t mean you’re embracing your trauma or that you like it or agree with it. Acceptance means you’ve decided what you’re going to do with it. You can decide to let it rule your life or you can decide to let it go. Letting go doesn’t mean “poof!” it’s magically gone. Letting go means no longer allowing your bad memories and feelings of a bad childhood to rob yourself of living a good life now.

6. Replace bad habits with good ones. Bad habits can take many forms, like negativity and always mistrusting others, or turning to alcohol or drugs when feelings become too hard to bear. Bad habits can be hard to break, especially when they’re used as crutches to help you avoid reliving the pain and trauma of your childhood. A support group or a therapist can help you learn the tools necessary to break your bad habits and replace them with good ones.

7. Be patient with yourself. When you’ve been seriously hurt as a child you develop out-of-control emotions, hopelessness, defense mechanisms and warped perceptions that are difficult to let go of. It will take a lot of time and hard work to let go of these feelings. Be patient with yourself and honor your progress, no matter how small it may seem. It’s the little victories in your recovery that will eventually help you win the battle of healing your childhood trauma.

2013 - The Year of Absolute Miracles!!!

Today is January 1, 2013, truly the first day of the rest of my life and Emmanuel Jal's birthday.

This year, 2013, is the Year of Absolute Miracles

Every year of my sobriety has been named something:

2005 was Absolute Adventure - Leaving my law practice, my partner of 8 years, my life and home in Chicago for a return to St. Pete Beach, Florida and sobriety.

2006 was Absolute Surrender - Relapse and loss of everything - federal indictment.

2007 was Absolute Acceptance - Getting sober solidly and facing 24 months in federal prison, Saufley Field, Pensacola Naval Airbase, Florida.

2008 was Absolute Freedom - Freedom in April 2008 and Barack Obama becomes President - HOPE - Helping Other's Providing Experience.

2009 was Absolute Hope - Discovering running and happiness with friends and business opportunities.  Starting graduate school in addiction studies.  Return to Chicago for the first time defeated and resurrected - Chicago Triathlon.

2010 was Absolutely Amazing - Disney Marathon (my first) 1-10-10.  Early termination of probation and federal court judge, Chief Justice Holderman, endorses my efforts at drug and alcohol rehabilitation treatment. 5-18-12.  Chicago Marathon 10-10-10.

2011 was Absolute Peace - Peace in South Sudan, Peace in Darfur, Peace in Mexico, Peace is Congo, Peace in Ivory Coast, Peace in Iraq, Peace in Afghanistan, Peace in Pakistan, Peace in the world. Peace. January 9, 2011 is the Referendum for Freedom in South Sudan. The Kharoum government will want to hold power. Kill. War. More Hate. More Death.  I am fought for peace in Sudan.  In February, I prayed to be free from my restraints and was layed off from Southern Trial Counsel because they did not like my blog reflecting on their reputation.  It was the answer to a prayer. On 2-11-11, I started Absolute Adventure Radical Recovery, Inc., a firm engaged in addiction intervention and treatment. I ran 11 marathons - half and full.

2012 was the year of Absolute Achievement. - I was hired to do work on an admiralty case that I had once dreamed of working on.  I was hired by Spencer Recovery Centers Florida as a drug and alcohol counselor and interventionist.  I was also hired by Intervention Specialists as an interventionist.  I ran the equivalent of 12 full marathons and triathlons.

 

2013 is the year of Absolute Miracles.

Prayer for Peace

Praying for peace in South Sudan.

Praying for freedom for e'ry child, women and man.

I heard about Darfur and cared with my head.

And while I cared, more found dead.

Then I heard the song of Emmanuel Jal,

My heart opened wide and I heard the call.

I can't stop the screams and the cries of pain.

I can't close my eyes and pretend again.

Now, I can't turn away and deny what's going on.

The children and the faces show what's wrong.

Who am I? A convicted felon, gay, recoverying alcoholic and an activist.

Who am I? Lawyer, adventurer, interventionist and economist.

Who am I? A guy with integrity to fight against racists.

I am strong in spirit, body and mind.

I am a lover of life and all mankind.

I have enough love and tears for all who need them.

I will fight for the weak, the poor and the children.

I will run for GUA until my feet wear out.

I will not be silent, going to scream and shout.

We want peace for South Sudan.

We want peace in Africa throughout the land.

Enough blood; enough war.

Shout for peace for South Sudan and for Darfur.

We got to stop the killing and stop the greed.

We got to find the answer and meet the need.

Enough is enough of all this hate.

No time to discuss; no time to debate.

Let's tell our governments and demand our Presidents.

Peace for Sudan; let's stop the precedents.

Human beings and tribes must live and thrive together.

Before we destroy our land, our nations, our water and weather.

God protect us from war and disease.

Give us hope and give us peace.