The Valley is the Price of Admission

A good friend of mine, BK, told me that I am almost reaching the peak and that the valley was the price of admission. I love that thought. In this journey, I always dread the valley, but I realize over and over again that I need the valley to get to the mountain top. I realize again and again that the valley, the bad stuff, is necessary for me to see myself in the good stuff, to realize what it takes to reach the top. I also learn that the greatest gift is not being on top; no growth happens there. The greatest gift is what I have to go through and, by implication, grow through to get to the top!!! Then, to do it again and again.

Take a Leap of Faith

It amazes me that I have so little faith in myself and in God sometimes. I believe that everything I need shall be provided today, but I still worry about whether there will be enough. I have faith to do something I have never done before, but not enough faith to tell someone how special they are to me and how much I admire them. It took a friend to tell me, take a leap of faith...OK, I will.

Why Do We Think We Should Get What We Want?

I think about all the self-seek behavior I used to engage in and still do sometimes. I think about how much I often want something or want a situation to be a certain way, how I either get frustrated or impatient with things not being the way I want it. I find it most striking with people in early recovery. I can't believe how much "we" think we should get what we want...how much we think we deserve it! We have far more than we need and who really gets what he wants? President Obama? No. Queen Elizabeth? Hell, no. The Dalai Lama? You kiddin'; not yet!! EVEN GOD??? He cries every night! What we do to each other. Please.

We Need Adventure Now

The following is an excerpt of a Book titled "By Monomoy Light" by North Cairn, my aunt. She spent several weeks alone on Monomoy Island in a Walden Pond sort of existance. Her adventure is symbolic of the solitude and isolation we all feel at times. It reads:

Living simply and in solitude is difficult, admittedly, since it strips you of distraction and defense. You find out the gravest danger you face – always – is yourself, and that you are your own way out of trouble, the doorway to your own hard-sought freedom. These are truths not everyone wants to know. But they can stay at home.

As for me, I plan to remember Monomoy and face the really scary business of day-to-day living with purpose and a sense of my own necessity, as the birds and animals do.

With me I carry a page torn out of Crossing Antarctica, the journal of Will Steger, the leader of a six-man international team that crossed the vast southern continent on skis and dogsleds – and faced dangers more tangible and extreme than I probably will ever know. In the long polar night, in the midst of his expedition of hardships, he recalled the earlier difficult and rewarding times: “During the struggle to raise money to go to the North Pole,” he writes, “we had an ardent supporter in Duluth, Minn., an 85 year old woman named Julia Marshall, whose family owned a hardware store. At a time when we were desperate for cash, I remember getting a check in the mail from her for $5,000. Accompanying the check was a nearly illegible note, which took me four or five readings to decipher. It said simply: ‘WE NEED ADVENTURE NOW.’”

And we can have it.

Of course, adventure, like everything else worth having, has its price: I’ve had the discomfort of poison ivy for weeks; I know what it means to be cold, drenched to the skin, and squirrelly from cabin fever. But a little risk has its undeniable payoffs, too; being awakened at midnight by the eerie, lone cry of a great horned owl; being stopped dead in one’s tracks by a doe diving through bay berry for cover; finding all vital hungers filled.

Talk about fear. You could move without love, forget how it feels to live. You could think you were safe – and never know the danger of deep joy, the pitfalls of beauty, and the passion of being free.

FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart

I remember a time when I never ever thought life would be good again. My thinking was wrong. Simply wrong. Adventures await every day. We never know what God or life has in store for us. I must always be ready for the adventure of a day. I must remember that each day starts with infinite potentiality. I know not to give up just before the miracle happens, but I need to remember that miracles abound and one could happen today as much as any day!

FAITH = Fear Ain't In This House

FAITH = Fear Aint' In This House. March is the third month of the year which corresponds with the third step. The third step states that we "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him." This is the step of faith and, to me, the scariest step, because it is an all or nothing step for me. If I do it right, I turn my will, my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions and my fears, over to God. If do it right, I turn my life, my work, my actions, the outcomes, over to God. I do the work and make the effort and then leave the outcomes to Him!

Recovery is a Leap of Faith

RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION IS...A LEAP OF FAITH

When I go to sleep I have faith that I will awake in the morning, that is faith...We have nothing to fear, but fear itself...Faith without works is dead.

I believe that I became an alcoholic because when I drank, I experienced a feeling that I could summon with little or no work whenever I needed it or wanted it. I believe that I could not accept a program of recovery because I was afraid to change. I was afraid to try something new or different; I was unwilling to give up what used to work; I was afraid to surrender to something that appeared to work for many others. I knew that there was a program of recovery that required me to surrender my fear and only to become willing, humble and honest. I did not have the courage to take a leap of faith.

I was hanging on a mountain cliff. I had fallen off a path with a back pack; everything in my pockets fell out as I hung on to a branch sticking out of the rocks of the cliff with both hands. I looked down and saw jagged rocks and pounding waves. There appeared to be no one around. I could hear noises of life around me but I could not understand anything I heard. As both hands tired, I would hang one hand at a time changing hands. Gradually all my fingers were so tired that I could not hang on much longer and shouted for help, but I could not hear the response that I was looking for. It was only when the pain was too great and when I became too tired of fighting to hang on did I agree to let go of the branch.

I fell a great distance and landed on another branch that was stronger and could hold me as I sat and rested. Now that I had fallen farther, I could see that there was a clearing in the sea below with no rocks showing. If I could stand up and jump, I thought I could avoid the rocks below.

I wondered if my legs were strong enough to propel me far enough beyond the rocks against the wall of the cliff. I wondered if the wind would blow me against the face of the cliff. I wondered if there were rocks below the surface of the water that seemed to be safe. I became afraid that I would not make the fall and break something on the fall of several hundred feet. Maybe I should just sit and wait for someone to rescue me. I prayed to God to help me out of this mess. I sat for a long time hungry and thirsty. I became weaker and full of pain. I passed out several times. I thought I would die like this and then something inside me told me that I believed that it was not my destiny to die like this. I did not want to die like this. I had no choice. I had to jump. I had to take a leap of faith.

Suddenly I remembered a scene from the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” when Indiana Jones had to trust the instructions in his father’s note book to save his father’s life by reaching the goblet that was used by Jesus during the first communion. He was on one side of a great crevasse and could see nothing to get him to the other side where there was the cave – his destination. The instructions told him to walk over an invisible bridge. He decided to take a leap of faith. It worked. I have taken many leaps of faith in early recovery when I was scared and had doubts. I had to. I jumped feet first about 300 feet and then dove in head first. It was either that or continue to suffer until death.

I jumped only partially believing that I would be alright and would live. I hit the water and hit it hard. The water was cool and clean. It was salty and it was invigorating. I began to swim away from the rocks toward an area about 1200 yards from where I had landed. The current was strong and it tried to carry me back toward the rocks. I remembered not to fight the current but to swim along the current perpendicular to it until I had swam pass the current. I stopped thinking. I stopped being afraid and thought only to keep moving until I could reach the shore. It made me tired to keep swimming and I was pissed off at my situation but I kept swimming. The waves made me choke and foam and seaweed got in my mouth, nose and eyes. I skinned my knee on one of the rocks below. I kept going even though I wanted to stop and rest.

The water became shallower and I could finally stand up and started wading to the shore. I got to the beach and collapsed. I rested for a while and fell asleep. I woke up and realized that I had survived. I could see nothing but beach and sand for miles, but I knew that if I followed the shore I would eventually find the next sign back to civilization and safety. I knew? I guess I believed it. I guess I had faith that if I survived the leap that the next challenge would not be as difficult. After all, faith without works is dead. I started walking in the direction of the sun...

What is your Leap of Faith? What do you fear? What are you willing to try to test yourself? Do you have faith in yourself? Do you have faith in something greater than yourself?