New Beginnings - Absolutely Amazing!

For the past five years, I have chosen a theme for the year using the AA Acronym initially. 2005 was Absolute Adventure; 2006 was Absolute Acceptance; 2007 was Absolute Surrender; 2008 was Absolute Freedom; and 2009 was Absolute Hope. In thinking about 2010, I was going to focus on achievements, but I did not want to emphasize any ego (EGO=Easing God Out) reinforcing prioritites. Still, I have many goals for 2010 and then running yesterday, I heard a song by Seal called "Amazing" and I immediately felt its connection to my heart and my feet. Here are the lyrics:

Everyone says you're amazing- Seal & Samuel
You say you don't know, how to do it now, So you run,It's not that you're bleeding, but you through it now,So you run, so you run,I know that you need it, you can't live alone,So you run, so you run...Everyone says you're amazing

Now that you're clean

Only you know who the real one are, cause you've seen

There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when you're here Everyone see you're amazing. Does anyone ask you?

If you cry in your sleep and do you feel okay

When you run,Thinking its doomsday, you got to let it go,So you run, so you run...

Pretend you don't see it, that way we can live the lie, when you run...So you run..

Everyone says you're amazing

Now that you're clean Only you know who the real one are, cause you've seen

There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when, when you're hear

Everyone see you're amazing Does anyone ask you...?

Cause I know that you real, amazing, amazing, amazing...

Everyone says you're amazing

Now that you're clean Only you know who the real ones are, because you've seen

There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when you're hear
Everyone sees you're amazing

Everyone says amazing

You're amazing(I want you to always feel amazing)

You're amazing(I want you to always feel amazing)

YOU ARE AMAZING!

A Good Head and a Good Heart

"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination." - Nelson Mandela. I find this thought incredibly empowering. I know so many people with great intelligence or great compassion, but it is the combination of both that creates the synergy of miracluous power.

The Tsunami of Sadness and Malaise

I have been trying to ward of a tsunami of sadness and malaise by hanging onto a palm tree and wait for it to crash over me and go back out to sea. I am still HOPEFUL because I know God has me best when He has me at his mercy and there is no bad that good does not come of it - No hay mal que por bien no venga es la verdad.

Day of Reconciliation - Forgiveness

Today is National Day of Reconciliation in South Africa. I am reminded of Nelson Mandela's wisdom "If there are dreams about a beautiful Suth Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness." Now, spend 27 years being held captive and then be released ...and forgive your torturers. The only way. A big shout out to all friends in South Africa.

Invictus

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

Just following the recipe!

Today I prepared cookies for a Christmas Cookie Swap Party. I have never baked cookies before, but I simply followed the instructions. I followed the recipe and they turned out fine. They were not as beautiful as the magazine photos, but they were really nice. That is really an easy secret to life - just follow the instruction!!!

Blessed with Pain

I am blessed to know people in a lot of pain right now: physical pain, emotional pain, financial pain, and legal pain. With everything I have experienced in the last five years - financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I know when you're down to nothing, God is up to something! Since it is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn, when things seem REALLY bad, I get hopeful because it's not much longer til the miracle arrives!

Abandon Yourself to God

First I was told to ask God for help, then I was told to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. In the end, I was told to "Abandon myself to the care of God as I understood him." I was also told to clean house, clear up the wreckage of my past and give freely of what I have been given. These four duties would set me free. They did.

Malt Liquor in the Morning

This morning I was up at 4:30 to do Boot Camp, then wieght training. Then to Publix. A homeless guy in front of me had a four pack of Malt Liquor at 7:45am. He said he was a heavy drinker and had to chase away the cob webs. I looked in his eyes & told him I understood. I grateful I don't have to be there. I hope I never lose my memory of all the bad and all the good. Neither one is as rich without the other.

Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle

My favorite motto is "Never give up JUST before the Miracle Happens" and I continue to learn its application in small and large ways. In spinning class, in litigaton, in relationships, in everything, I know that preseverance is essential. There is no telling how many miles I have to run while chasing a dream, but I know today not to stop running.

Progress, Not Perfection

I used to want to be perfect at something or not do it. Today, I embrace my imperfection. I just want to grow. I just want to be better than I was yesterday. Last week, I came in second to last in my age group in the 10 mile race. I don't care. I am proud that I did better than I did 2 weeks before that - progress, not perfection. "Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt for failure to achieve His likeness and image by Thursday next. Progress is our aim, and His perfection is the beacon, light-years away, that draws us on." Bill W., Letter, 1966. Today is World AIDS Day. I miss my friends that I have lost to this disease and today I honor them.

Gifts of Pain and Purpose

Of course, we are going to have go through hard, aweful times. The joy is that we don't have to go through them alone." "Suffering exists, the tragedy is suffering alone." Kate Braestrup, Unitarian Minister. I will not spend more than 4 waking hours alone. It's not good for me. I love you. A New Week. Sunshine. Work to do. Feeling love and feeling loved. A dear friend with the gift of prophesy told me that God is preparing me for something really important. I am psyched. I can take anything as long as I know it's worth it. I hope you have a day of serenidipity!!

Change in Circumstances; Changes in us

Variations on the Serenity Prayer - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" -Rheinhold Niebuhr. Another way to express this idea is the thoughts of Viktor Frankl "When we are no loner able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves." In other words, there is always something that can be changed, ourselves!"

Out of the Blue

Te busque de bajo de las piedras y no te-encontre...En la manana fria y en la noche te-busque...Hasta enloquecer...Pero tu llegaste a mi vida como una luz...Sanando las heridas de mi corazon...Haciendo me-sentir vivo otra vez. The most important things in my life have come out of the blue, what about that?

Attitude in Trauma and Tragedy

Today is Veteran's Day and yesterday was the memorial service at Fort Hood yesterday for the massacre that took place and I heard a great deal of commentary on WWI, WWII and wars around the world. I remembered when I was in a dark place, I read the wisdom of Viktor Frankl who was in a darker place and he said "The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." Despite everything, we always have the inner ability to smile, to laugh and to pray. So I will make this a good day.

Good Days and Bad Days

This week it has become more clear to me that there are no good days nor bad days. There are only "doing Steve's Will days, aka ego, fear, grandiosity, control and chaos" or "trying to do God's Will days", aka humility, helpfulness, and, dare I say it, happiness." When will I get this right?

Run Toward Your Roar!

Continuing with my safari theme, I am reminded me of the story that when lions hunt their prey, the female lions will circle around the prey and the male lions with stay to one side and ROAR!! When the prey run away, they run into the mouths of the huntresses. Lesson - run toward your ROAR (fear). OK, I am going to hit it today

God is a Lionness

I woke up this morning to my conception of God as a LIONNESS grabbing me by the back of my neck and pushing me to run the Serengeti for today's sustenance. So...I am after gazelles today or a few zebras!!ROOOOOOOOOOAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Journey of Life; Measure of Life

I received this affirmation today "Any attempt to measure one's progress in life with an assessment of their present physical surroundings, or even a panoramic glance at their life and times to date, is just plain "whacked." The reason being, Stephen, is that each journey, kind of like a haircut, should never be fully appraised until it's complete. Otherwise, one might mistaken a miracle-in-the-making for a setback, loss, or the "wet-look." The Universe" I love this idea because the snapshot of one's life at so many points never really takes into account the "why" or the "preparation" for the moment. Moreover, all the prepration is simply the part of the journey toward another growth or event.

Another Paradox

Before I had to surrender my life, I used to think that I had to make everything mine. I had to own my life, own my profession, own my city, own my cicles. I could never just be a part of something. I had to be that something. So, now, I am a part of a lot of different things and I become what I always wanted to be! For example, I needed to feel that I WAS somebody in Chicago - a huge city. I had to seek ways to dominate, to be, and to exert my influence. Now, I participate in my community. No ego. Now, I have become what I always wanted to be. Another paradox.

To Thine Own Self Be True

One of the hardest lessons that I am learning is "To Thine Own Self Be True". I have a disease to please and often make decisions to make others happy at my expense. I have paid dearly for this lesson and I wish I could say that it has been learned completely...

No Life of Quiet Desperation

Thoreau said that Most Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation. I vowed that it would not be me, but a few yrs ago, I realized that my life had become that. Not today! I was out running thinking of the day ahead and concerned about a few things. But I don't worry - when I live honestly and focus on love and service - no room for quiet desperation. So, off to do love and service! One Love!

Hope

The break of sunshine. I am hopeful today for no good reason. I love the feeling of having hope, of being happy, when my reality should make me feel otherwise. I know I am growing spiritually when I can resist despair in the face of "nothing good to look forward to" today. Must be GOD is up to something...

Past, Present, Future

We are told that we will not regret the past, nor ish to shut the door on it. Still, we will undoubtedly have things in our past that we may be very embarassed about or have a great deal of shame. We do not realize sometimes that each day we are creating our past. Today we have an opportunity to live well, to live with grace and honor, to live nobly and to live in love. When we do that today, we have very good yesterdays. So, it is true that no matter what our past, we have a spotless future. How will I embrace my day becomes my choice and how I want to see yesterday tomorrow.

We Need Time to Recharge

There are days when I feel drained of my hope, my energy and my strength. My body and my spirit tell me to slow down and recharge. This is critical. We must recharge or we die out, just like the battery.

I Cannot Control the Direction of the Wind

I cannot control the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails. This simple analogy to life is very clear to most, but what amazes me is how difficult the lessons I learn on the water are so difficult to translate into situations on land. I know what to do at sea, but I still find it difficult to adjust my sails (plans/energies) to meet changing winds (life circumstances) off the water. I also still try to control the direction of the wind on land and I usually drown in a metaphorical sense.

True Faith

Having true faith is the most difficult thing in the world. Many will try to take it from you. I get it from you, from answered prayers, from a run or a journey that I have no idea how it will end, but I JUST KEEEEPPPP GOOOIINGGGG!

I am here for a hug any time!!

We have so many tools, such as faith, prayer, friends, fellowship, information and acts, to bring us through anything, but it is good to remember that the most important things we do are the most difficult!! We can never, ever, ever give up! ...and I am here for a hug any time!

Handling Rough Seas and Rough Times

This slogan always reminds me that things are supposed to get more difficult. We did not expect a free ride in school as we progressed from grade to grade, from elementary school to junior high school and then from high school to college. We did not expect that once we got through with college that graduate school would be easier. Why do assume that life will get easier as we progress in age and experience? We are never promised that life would get eaiser, only that we would be able to handle life better. We are never promised that it would be easy; only that it would be worth it!

I try to keep track of all the people that I make smile every day. After all, many people make me smile. It started at 5:30 with the guy that asked to wash my car windshield for $2.50. Hell, yes. Hard work out iwth Ramel. Prayers for a tough day ahead. "Prayer means that no one can ever say there is nothing I can do." Have a great day all!! Smile!!

Prayer Power

I know that all of the prayers that I have needed answered, have been answered.

I believe in the PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens philisophy works!

Prayer means that no one can ever say there is nothing we can do.

"All of the contradictions, questions, and objections surrounding prayer are God's problems - not mine-because prayer is God's idea; God has commended us to pray." Unknown

Purpose Smile Gratitude Accomplishment

Each day I put in my journal a space for 1) my purpose for the day, 2) who I make smile, 3) what I am grateful for, and 4) what I have accomplished that day. In addition to those things, I try to do the 5 things that will guaranty my sobriety: 1) Pray in the morning for help, 2) talk to another alcoholic/addict, 3) go the a meeting, 4) read something in the Big Book and 5) say a prayer of gratitude at night.

Delayed Gratification

The chief case of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want now. There is value in waiting. There is value in planning and in working for something. Today I am working for what I REALLY, REALLY want instead of what I want right now.

I love the first day of anything.

The first day of October. I love the first day of anything, first day of the week, month or year...at that moment, it is all hope...anything is possible and only my imagination limits me. New friends, new experiences, new thoughts, new feelings...who knows what miracles await!!!!

We Ceased Fighting Everything and Everyone

When we learn that we do not need to fight our way through life, we discover a new level of freedom because we choose, we make a choice, not to have our way and not to force outcomes. Why? Because we have learned that we are children of the universe and that all things work out for the best, so we do not need to force our will. We trust that God and the Universe are working with us toward our ultimate good. We simple do what we need to do and leave the results to God. We have learned to trust that which we do not see...we gain faith. When I was faced with my worse fears, I asked God why I had to have this terrible thing. It was revealed to me that I would emerge stronger and better. I did and even stronger or better than I could possibly imagine.

Fall

Fall is coming to Florida and, unlike the change of colors and cool breezes of Chicago, it means here a break in humidity and the end of the rainy season. I ran in darkness this morning and then the light broke signaling that everything is cyclical - everything is ok...

Running without Legs

I have this freind who runs, bicycles and swims in Triathlons and is missing both legs and part of his right arm. He walks around and lives life notwithstanding his limitations!! This is the secret to a good life - to do what no one would think you could or should so that you know what you can or shall!!!

The Storms in My Heart and Mind.

The storms in my heart and mind have cleared and my soul is a quiet tropical beach along a placid sea and warm sunshine. That said, I think today will rock. I hope your day has a special surprise in it!!! I said my prayers and asked God to shake things up and give me a challenge if I could not have things get easier. Then, suddenly, things go easier. It is temporary. Failure in temporary and success is never permanent. Peace.

Don't Listen To Your Lie

There are days when life seems very difficult and we wonder if we can do all the things that we desire; I remember Thomas Edison did thousands of experiments before his success. "If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves". (Edison) Don't listen to the lie that you can't...!

All Sunshine Makes A Desert

There is an old Arab saying that all sunshine makes a desert which is very true. I am really sad today and I know that it is simply the burdens of life. I know what to do - rest, pray, ask for help, go to a meeting, help someone else, trust and keep going. This too shall pass... The thing is that I used to sit and wallow in my discomfort and actually enjoy it. Today, I take action so that I don't stay in the desert too long.

Touche the kid is gonna be ok

I was running this morning around Lake Eola, thinking about people who die before their time. I ran past the spot where this woman Jill sold organic herbs every Saturday. She was a diva who died of my disease. Wisin & Yandel " Touche the kid is gonna be ok" They said it about me. They were right. I am going to be ok. So are you...

Never Give Up Just Before The Miracle Happens

It is the beginning of the week and full of infinite possibilities. Anything can happen today and this week and I am open to all of it. Never give up just before the miracle happens!!

To Thine Own Self Be True

I am in the office today to catch up on things. Sometimes being true to oneself is harder than surrendering to the will of another, but I know that the recipe for failure is to deny oneselves' truth and to try to please everyone. I am surrendering my disease to please.

Take the Challenge

Without Challenge, Stephen, Adventure is Impossible!!!

Humbled by My Need

On this day, I am thinking about humility. I don't know anything about humility except that I am humbled by my need - my need for God, for a fellowship and for people that share their hope, strength and love. I am humbled by random acts of kindness and by the telling of the truth when the telling has consequences and takes courage. I am humbled by a guy named Raj who is missing both legs and half an arm and still has done two triathlons with me. I am humbled by Wanda who has a hard life and laughs better than anyone. Humbled by you...

Starting a day with HELP

This morning, I woke up without much lust for life...then, I got started anyway and asked for HELP (His Ever Loving Presence) and just trusted that the day would be worth my effort...then, suddenly a few small but wonderful things happened and it is only 8:30am and I am really pumped up for the day!!! I hope this day is one you will never forget!!

Don't Resent the Bottom Rungs on the Ladder to Success

Do not regret the bottom rungs on the ladder of success. That is where all the great things start. A person is most interesting just before he becomes successful.

Find Triumph in Failure

Yesterday, I was thinking about failure. Today, I know why. I have failed at virtually everything that I have done before I succeeded. I hated failure and so I would often quit rather than fail. I also used to procrastinate so that I could delay my fear of failure. I used to do anything to avoid failure. I used to think failure defined me as a "failure". Today, I think failure can be a great opportunity to see who I really am. I have let a lot of people down and so now I work to make amends for all the people I have let down and to continue to walk with dignity in my failures and to keep trying no matter what. It is said that winning reveals a large part of our character; failure reveals all of it!!

Many people in mid-life want to change their lives and to do something dramatic, butthey are not willing to take any risk to do it. They will only take that risk if they can control the outcome or if they can be assured that no loss is involved...That is a coward's life. The risk comes in the potential loss - that is where the riske makes it all worth it. I don't stand on the sidelines of life!! Pema Chodron said that "Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear." We develop courage through our confrontations with fear - not by avoiding it.

Keep Going

This morning I went out for a run at 6:30am. Fall has definitely arrived because it was still dark, but the light came and the sky was indescribably beautful. It is truly a great day to be alive...and nothing good has happened yet. Imagine when that happens!!

I used to fall asleep in parks; now I run through them.

Quiet Desperation

The Saying: THE MASS OF MEN LEAD LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION.
Who Said It: Henry David Thoreau
When: 1854
The Story behind It: American philosopher and naturalist Thoreau isolated himself at Walden Pond in Massachusetts from 1845 to 1847. His experiences during that time were published in Walden (1854), which Thornton Wilder called "a manual of self-reliance." In a well-known passage, Thoreau stated his purpose: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation..." In the first essay, "Economy," Thoreau comments that most men are slaves to their work and enslaved to those for whom they work. He concludes: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation...."

Letting the Song Out

Henry David Thoreau said that "most men lead lives of quiet desperation"...I read that in my youth and vowed it would not happen to me. But it did and I ended up destroying my life. Today I have a chance to reclaim myself before it is too late...Because there is still time to reverse the second part, "...and go to the grave with the song still in them". Today, I take another step in the direction of my dreams. Today, I am not imprisoned by man, money or material.

Adventure in Sobriety

Sometimes my recovery regime from alcoholism is just my "chemo" or "dialysis". Other times, it is an inspiration for doing the things I always dreamed of doing. Two weeks ago I completed the Chicago Triathlon on August 30, 2009. My mother, my aunt Robin, and my brother's girlfriend, Susan, were there and I completed a race at 47 years old that I truly believed was IMPOSSIBLE when I was 33 years old and only did the swim portion in a relay. Yesterday I completed the OUC Orlando Downtown Triathlon. All people who live, die. But some people who die have never really lived. I was dead in my alcoholism. Today I am alive in every sense of the word. What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?