Hope Leads to Faith

I wish I could Keep in mind that God can provide, God will provide, and God does provide. - Maria Gubbels.

I the past month, I lost my job with the law firm with which I was working because of differences in our directions and the attorneys felt my past would hurt their reputation with their clients and could be used as ammunition by their enemies.  I am grateful for this challenge as I too felt that my talents were not being used to their best effort and my dreams are not their dreams.  They are decent people; flawed human beings like all of us.  I wish them all happiness and success.  So, now, I must face myself and my dreams - do I make excuses why I am not living my passion to do I do what my heart and mind tell me to at the risk of failure - THIS IS THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF ALL OF US. 

It is easy to settle in work, marriage, and life generally...I am grateful to this firm for pushing me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to be the best I can be.

Never give up just before the miracle happens...

DONT GIVE UP





Don't give up.....
This is not my story and it was given to me from a friend in Kenya, so I believe it is not his story.  I believe it cam from Joel Osteen, but it may not be hitsory either, so it is your story...
One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
He said.
"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"
I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

If you want what you never had, then you have to do what you have never done.

I was told when I got sober, I had to only change one thing - everything.  I was also told I could start dreaming again.  However, I tried to fulfill my dreams before my drinking took over my life and I achieved many dreams, but still I have many more to achieve.  In order for me to achieve what I have never accomplished or have (materially, spiritually, emotionally and otherwise) I must be willing to try new things and do things differently.  I need to be willing to do the things that I don't want to do and have the courage to do things that I have never done.  My experience is that running a race, going to a new place, starting a new adventure is doing things that I have never done - and, whether the result is good or bad never matters.  I have a new experience and I am always better for it! 

Valentine's Day - The Story of St. Valentine

Be My Valentine
O, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.

— Henri F. Amiel

The legend of St. Valentine goes back to the early days of Christianity when Christians were being persecuted by the Romans. One Christian, Valentinus, was tried as a heretic and sentenced to death. In prison, Valentinus befriended a guard who respected his wis–dom, and soon the guard brought his seven-year-old blind daughter, Julia, to Valentinus for lessons. Daily, the two talked of important things, and Julia developed a deep love and respect for her mentor. One day Julia asked him, “Valentinus, do you think I will ever be able to see? ”

Valentinus thought for a moment and answered, “With love in your heart and belief in God, anything is possible, Julia. ”

At that moment, Julia was overtaken with a flash of light, and suddenly her eyesight was restored. “Valentinus, I can see! ” the child shouted.

“Praise be to God, ” he humbly answered.    The next day when Julia came to visit Valentinus, he was gone. He had been taken to his execution. Julia found this note:

My Dear Julia,
Although we shall never see each other again, know that I will always love you. You are very dear to me. I will stay unseen by your side, and I will live in your heart. I believe in you.
Your Valentine

Be a true valentine by reminding your beloved ones that they are unlimited. Inspire them to trust their heart’s wisdom, and miracles will occur. And if you are your own valentine, remember that all the love you need is within you, just as you are, right where you are.

I pray to remind my loved ones of their highest possibilities.
I create miracles by using the vision of divine love.

This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Meditation and Changes in the Brain

How meditation may change the brain - 8 weeks to results

Difficulties.

Difficulties are a part of life. Opportunities for growth. Stretching our minds, our bodies, our perceptions, our intellect and emotions. “There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem ... It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world ...” - Emmet Fox

Hope and Courage, again.

So I have been asked to leave my job because the law firm is afraid what people may think of my past...That's ok. They have that right.  February is the month of HOPE and so God will give me opportunities to test my power of HOPE.  As Martin Luther King said "Everything great that is done in this world is done by hope!"

Prayers Answered, Change.

This morning I got to the office around 5:40am and went to post my status.  I have never done this before, but I posted a prayer...God, I have so much to do in the next 5 months and I have no idea how I am going to get it all done. Please help me to do the most important thing at the moment. Help me not to waste time. Help my to do Your will.  Help me to be balanced and healthy.  Help me."

This afternoon, I came back to the office after lunch and was called in to the Managing Partner's office and was asked to resign because of this blog; because I had posted my Motion to Terminate my Federal Probation which was granted on May 18, 2010.  The lawyers were afraid that my past would hurt them with their clients.  The ironic thing was that the lawyer who asked for my resignation received similar treatment from his previous firm.  He wanted to post on his on-line biography that he was the President of a Gay and Lesbian Lawyers Association.  His partners were afraid that the "gay" lawyer would also hurt their reputation.  Ironic, right?

That's ok.  God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.  My prayers were answered.  Shady things happened there and I am free...I am a gay, alcoholic, former felon who now leads an honest life, helping other alcoholics and addicts, running marathons and triathlons for charitable causes, and working on openning my own treatment center.  I want to be a good, ethical lawyer.  I want to be a strong economist. I want to be an accomplished leader in the treatment of drug addiction, alcoholism and chemical dependency.  I want to be a man of integrity.  This is my chance... 

HOPE

What I never seem to remember is that when I pray for HOPE, God gives me lessons to test my hope and to rely on Him for Hope. This February has definitely been a month of tests in Hope. - Me

Do not forget to hope and happy be." John McLeod, from Do Not Forget To Hope
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." Oscar Wilde
"Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory." Norman Vincent Peale
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein

"The feeling of hopefulness sometimes comes from someone helping us. Think back to a time when you had lost hope. Many times we regained our optimism because someone gave us a helping hand." Catherine Pulsifer, from Poem for Hope

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." Author Unknown, from Is Packaging Important To You?

"While wishing and hoping makes you a dreamer, acting and doing makes you someone who can turn dreams into reality." Nan S. Russell, from Wishing and Hoping

"Hold your head high, stick your chest out. You can make it. It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes. Keep hope alive." Jesse Jackson

"To be without hope is like being without goals, what are you working towards?" Catherine Pulsifer

"Hope is the last thing ever lost." Italian Saying

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however." Richard Bach

"What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life." Emil Brunner

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." Helen Keller

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance." Author Unknown, from Dear Bertha

"Hope never abandons you; you abandon it." George Weinberg

When I am sad...A Journey of the Heart.

Sober life is an adventure.  This last weekend, I met someone whom I really, really liked.  We had a wonderful weekend.  In the course of it, I told him my story. The next day, things were different.  I knew it was my story.  Then, over the next few days, each moment brough more distance.  Finally, I addressed the issue and he had to admit that it makes a huge difference to him. My past and my path of recovery. He does not understand it and has no experience with it.  I was devasted.  I had not felt anything so storngly for anyone in over 4 years. I did not intend to fall for him, but I did.  It hurts. February is the month of love; the month of hope. 

The facts are inescapable.  I must lead a sober life and I can choose to make it a sober life of adventure.  Like most everyone, I want to share it with someone, but my sobriety must always come first or I will lose it.  I never want to go back to who and what I was.  Secondly, my past shaped my present.  I have a great deal of shame, but I also have a great deal of pride for overcoming so many obstacles I previously considered insurmountable.  So, I have to TRUST that things turn out the way that they are supposed to and that everything turns out for the best. 

I learn.  I learned that I can truly feel passion, that I can open my heart and live in love.  This lesson, the journey from head to heart is the greatest adventure one can have.



February - The month of Hope and Love

February is the month of hope; the month of love. It can be a dark and stormy month, but I have seen that all things are darkest before the dawn. As winter tries to hold on, spring comes eternal. As spring and the dawn, hope is the believe that love and life is inevitable. Once I choose hope, anything's possible. With hope, the angels always win as long as there is love.