What can I say about faith and adventure that has not been said? Most likely nothing. But I believe that my understanding of faith is that it is hope with trust. I was told that God asks only one thring of Him - TRUST HIM. That's all. So, I decided that I would trust Him. It seems that trust is a very good thing and that to trust someone is also a very, very good thing and that lack of trust is often at the root of my problems - lack of trust and lack of faith.
10 years ago, I still had everything...a pretigious career, a life partner, a beautiful home, expensive car and lots of grown up toys...I did not have everything though. I did not have trust in myself or anyone else. I was loving but without trust. Five years ago, I was sober...but I lacked faith.
I had to lose everything tangible to find my faith. I was in prison for 10 months and every day I woke up at 5:00 am and went out to the weight pile to lift weights and spend time with God where I could beg, beg Him for a miracle to send me home...to set me free. For over 5 months I prayed fervently to be set free and made many "fox hole" promises as I bargained for my independence. Finally, a message came to me...
A voice in my head came to me that did not seem to be mine and it said "Steve, do you want to know why I sent you here? Do you really, really want to know why you have to be here?" I answered that I did. The voice replied "Because I am sick and tired of your doubt, your doubt in yourself and your doubt in Me!" I then heard "I am sick and tired of your lack of faith in yourself and in Me...so I decided to allow you to go to the worst place that you imagined so that you can live through the worst that you can imagine and prove to yourself who you are and that I will protect you and I will help you, not only survive this experience, but, if you choose, I will help you thrive!" I will finally force you to confront the truth of who you are - you can rise or you can fall - I am here and the choice is yours." That was the message I received and so I decided, "OK. Let's do this." I stopped praying to be set free and started praying for God's will to be revealed - what an adventure this has become.
10 years ago, I still had everything...a pretigious career, a life partner, a beautiful home, expensive car and lots of grown up toys...I did not have everything though. I did not have trust in myself or anyone else. I was loving but without trust. Five years ago, I was sober...but I lacked faith.
I had to lose everything tangible to find my faith. I was in prison for 10 months and every day I woke up at 5:00 am and went out to the weight pile to lift weights and spend time with God where I could beg, beg Him for a miracle to send me home...to set me free. For over 5 months I prayed fervently to be set free and made many "fox hole" promises as I bargained for my independence. Finally, a message came to me...
A voice in my head came to me that did not seem to be mine and it said "Steve, do you want to know why I sent you here? Do you really, really want to know why you have to be here?" I answered that I did. The voice replied "Because I am sick and tired of your doubt, your doubt in yourself and your doubt in Me!" I then heard "I am sick and tired of your lack of faith in yourself and in Me...so I decided to allow you to go to the worst place that you imagined so that you can live through the worst that you can imagine and prove to yourself who you are and that I will protect you and I will help you, not only survive this experience, but, if you choose, I will help you thrive!" I will finally force you to confront the truth of who you are - you can rise or you can fall - I am here and the choice is yours." That was the message I received and so I decided, "OK. Let's do this." I stopped praying to be set free and started praying for God's will to be revealed - what an adventure this has become.
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