Easter - Not about the Resurrection or Rebirth, but about Life Everlasting

I went to church with my parents to make them happy.  Certainly, it is the least I can do to make them happy.  But the minister, Joel Hunter, spoke not about Easter being about the resurrection or about rebirth or about salvation - though he did include these messages.  His message on this Easter Day is that Christians need to honor that the resurrection of Jesus Christ truly means that Christ was rasied from the dead to live - that He lives still today in all Christians. (In all beings, I would assert).  I believe that the Universe offers us life and we must choose to live or choose to exist.  I have spent time existing and it is not worth living.  "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives..." so goes the hip hop lyric in Nicki Minaj's "Still I Rise".  I choose life - joyful, purpose filled living...

Good Friday - I do not fear death

When I was out drinking and destroying my life, I never feared death. Once I got sober, I saw the wreckage of my life and the damage to my family.  I have been spending the last 5 years trying to make amends, trying to change the past by changing the present.  This morning I woke up to the BBC and the question - Do you fear death? No. I don't.  I know that no death can be bad today because I completely and utterly trust my creator.  I am so amazed that I do not fear death.  If life is truly an adventure, then death...well, I believe that my karma is good and that no matter what awaits, it will be bearable.

Lose to Win! Never give up! Never give in!

"We can do anything for just one day. So, just for today, let us be unafraid, unafraid of life,unafraid of death, which is the shadow of life; unafraid to be happy, unafraid to enjoy the beautiful, to believe the best.
Just for today let us live one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow, and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at one.

Daily Challenges

I have a month's worth of tasks to get done in a week; but I'm not going to stop and stress as doubt is for the meak. As Teddy Roosevelt said "believe you can and you're half way there." So I'm going to do my best and show the world how much I care. It's not the one great feat that makes me who I am; it's the daily discipline to do the best I can.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." Though things are rough right now, but I don't stop going, I don't stop looking to those stars. I remember well when my soul was imprisoned by imaginary bars. Today, no matter what I am free to chose my attitude and action. Today, I can live with doubt or with faith and determination. So, I am up and ready to live with strength and passion!

Many men go fishing all of their loves without knowing it is not fish they are after - Thoreau

I wanted to be an international business lawyer and became one, but then I was not happy. I drank to be happy and I drank to forget that I was not happy. Soon alcohol became the only solution for the problems that I had as a result of my self-destructive alcoholic thinking and behavior.  Today, I am sober. I have been sober over 4 years and yet I still search.  I am a seeker.  I search for answers to many questions, but I no longer look for them in the bottom of a bottle or the bottom of a cocktail glass.  Today, I pray. Today, I meditate. Today, I find answers in the wisdom of others and in quiet listening to what is in my heart.  I find answers in great books and I fins answers in qualified professionals. I am willing to listen today.  Today I seek honesty, hope faith, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, fellowship, justice, perseverance, spirituality and service to others.

Acceptance may be the answer, but hope and courage are the tools for the question.

Yesterday, I received the materials to apply for the Certified Addiction Professional certification documents from the State of Florida.  Barred by the Governor for the time being from obtaining my Florida law license, I am trying to regain my professional standing...I have a vision for a drug, alcohol and chemical dependency center in Orlando, Florida.  This week, I was able to share this vision with a friend who gave me encouragement and has ideas to help this dream come true.  I know that what Thoreau says is true "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

The fact is that I do not have courage so much as I simply find staying in the same place or going backward as unbearable.  Forward confidently or unconfidently is the only direction that I can go...I love being sober; I am not happy to be in this place in my life...that's what makes the adventure.

Courage to Change - Recovery is a Leap of Faith

RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION IS...A LEAP OF FAITH

When I go to sleep I have faith that I will awake in the morning, that is faith...We have nothing to fear, but fear itself...Faith without works is dead.

I believe that I became an alcoholic because when I drank, I experienced a feeling that I could summon with little or no work whenever I needed it or wanted it. I believe that I could not accept a program of recovery because I was afraid to change. I was afraid to try something new or different; I was unwilling to give up what used to work; I was afraid to surrender to something that appeared to work for many others. I knew that there was a program of recovery that required me to surrender my fear and only to become willing, humble and honest. I did not have the courage to take a leap of faith.

I was hanging on a mountain cliff. I had fallen off a path with a back pack; everything in my pockets fell out as I hung on to a branch sticking out of the rocks of the cliff with both hands. I looked down and saw jagged rocks and pounding waves. There appeared to be no one around. I could hear noises of life around me but I could not understand anything I heard. As both hands tired, I would hang one hand at a time changing hands. Gradually all my fingers were so tired that I could not hang on much longer and shouted for help, but I could not hear the response that I was looking for. It was only when the pain was too great and when I became too tired of fighting to hang on did I agree to let go of the branch.

I fell a great distance and landed on another branch that was stronger and could hold me as I sat and rested. Now that I had fallen farther, I could see that there was a clearing in the sea below with no rocks showing. If I could stand up and jump, I thought I could avoid the rocks below.
I wondered if my legs were strong enough to propel me far enough beyond the rocks against the wall of the cliff. I wondered if the wind would blow me against the face of the cliff. I wondered if there were rocks below the surface of the water that seemed to be safe. I became afraid that I would not make the fall and break something on the fall of several hundred feet. Maybe I should just sit and wait for someone to rescue me. I prayed to God to help me out of this mess. I sat for a long time hungry and thirsty. I became weaker and full of pain. I passed out several times. I thought I would die like this and then something inside me told me that I believed that it was not my destiny to die like this. I did not want to die like this. I had no choice. I had to jump. I had to take a leap of faith.

Suddenly I remembered a scene from the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” when Indiana Jones had to trust the instructions in his father’s note book to save his father’s life by reaching the goblet that was used by Jesus during the first communion. He was on one side of a great crevasse and could see nothing to get him to the other side where there was the cave – his destination. The instructions told him to walk over an invisible bridge. He decided to take a leap of faith. It worked. I have taken many leaps of faith in early recovery when I was scared and had doubts. I had to. I jumped feet first about 300 feet and then dove in head first. It was either that or continue to suffer until death.

I jumped only partially believing that I would be alright and would live. I hit the water and hit it hard. The water was cool and clean. It was salty and it was invigorating. I began to swim away from the rocks toward an area about 1200 yards from where I had landed. The current was strong and it tried to carry me back toward the rocks. I remembered not to fight the current but to swim along the current perpendicular to it until I had swam pass the current. I stopped thinking. I stopped being afraid and thought only to keep moving until I could reach the shore. It made me tired to keep swimming and I was pissed off at my situation but I kept swimming. The waves made me choke and foam and seaweed got in my mouth, nose and eyes. I skinned my knee on one of the rocks below. I kept going even though I wanted to stop and rest.

The water became shallower and I could finally stand up and started wading to the shore. I got to the beach and collapsed. I rested for a while and fell asleep. I woke up and realized that I had survived. I could see nothing but beach and sand for miles, but I knew that if I followed the shore I would eventually find the next sign back to civilization and safety. I knew? I guess I believed it. I guess I had faith that if I survived the leap that the next challenge would not be as difficult. After all, faith without works is dead. I started walking in the direction of the sun...

What is your Leap of Faith? What do you fear? What are you willing to try to test yourself? Do you have faith in yourself? Do you have faith in something greater than yourself?

I only want it all to be worth it...that my life has value.

When I was young I had so many dreams and when I became an adult, most of them came true.  Something was still missing and I filled the void with alcohol which ended up erasing all that I had built and all that I had done. Broken, completely broke, I surrendered and began to heal. The road back to sanity - to honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, justice, perseverance, spirituality and love has been long and hard...it has narrowed and there have been many obstacles.  With so many roadblocks, I too have had to forge my own path and I am utterly and endlessly grateful for it.  There are days where I just sit and cry in despair; these are good days because I am in touch with my brokenness where only good will come.  The bad days are when I feel self-will and delusion rising...I promised my Creator I would do whatever was asked of me, my only request is that it is worth it...that my life has value.  So far, so good.  

Overcoming difficulties and obstacles

There is a wonderful radio and television program called "Growing Bolder" which focuses on inspirational stories of overcoming tragedy, illness, and all kinds of challenges...that age is only a number and life is an attitude.  When I look at how far I fell and how many obstacles I have had to overcome and how many remain, I am inspired by these stories...Still, I need to always remember.  My story is different from many of these stories - my wounds were for the most part self-inflicted.  I did not realize what I was doing to myself or everyone else, but today I overcome what my alcoholism did by helping others everywhere.

The Courage to Live Honesty

I have learned in my sobriety to live honestly.  I always thought I was an honest person. But I have learned in the last 5 years that honesty is more than telling the truth. For me, honesty is speaking with no motive to deceive or unduly influence...it is most difficult for me to be honest with myself.

Divine Discontent

Lord, let me always desire more than I think I can do — Michelangelo

I used to never be satisfied with myself, but I was afraid to become what I could be so I never tried to change.  There was also a part of me that was always trying to change through quick fixes.  I would make a plan, buy books and take lessons, all to make me change.  A few years ago, I made some goals and began changing little by little and transforming little by little.  I could see a difference in me. I could see the change and it made me want to be more while still liking who I am...I like who I am becoming and strive to be better and better daily...

This is not the way I used to think.  I used to think that if I could only know something, do something, feel something, then I would be the person I want to be.  Today, I am proud of who I am and who I am becoming. 

The following is a message from a serve that I receive daily and this was the message I received today:

"There is a part of us that will not let us be content until we be-come all that we are capable of being. Life is not about resting on our laurels and hanging out in our comfort zone; it is an ad–venture from good to better to best.

Rev. Jack Boland urged, “Do not let good be the enemy of better. ” Your current situation may be good, but if a greater opportunity presents itself, you must be open to expand. This does not mean you are to run away or violate your integrity. If, however, you can step ahead with honesty, honor, and peace, you will enjoy the benefits of living in a larger universe.  Muscles stay strong and flexible only by use and stretching, and so does our mind. Challenge is the universe’s way of showing us that we are bigger than we thought we were.  Bless your dreams, your desires, and your sense that there must be more. There is more because you are more.

Give me the courage to ask for it all.  I leave behind my limits and step forward to live as large as God.
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This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life. If you liked today's meditation, please support the author and purchase the book by clicking here.
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Like the Wet Part of the Wave...

When Helen Keller said that life was an adventure, I loved the idea because I love adventure, thus, I would love life.  I am told that recovery is a spiritual process - spiritum contra spiritus - spirit versus spirit...So, I have been told that trying to describe the spiritual part of my program of recovery is like trying to describe the wet part of the wave...Trying to describe how life is an adventure is also like trying to describe the magesty and the wetness of water.

April is the month of Courage

In April, I focus on cultivating courage which usually means really scary things happen that test and strengthen my character and develop courage.  I love it when I have courage - courage means being scared, but not backing down.  My experience with courage is that I should be afraid, I am afraid and yet I know that I can do this! Doing this!  I got honest and found out how fearful I really was. Then I learned to believe gain that God could and would help me, if I did the next right thing and gave it my best effort.  Then, I learned by my experience to have faith; I learned to trust.  Then, came the really difficult tests and I leaned that I could keep going.  I could have courage and be noble! I could become the man I dreamed of being.

I learned that courage is fear that had said its prayers.

Other reflections on faith and courage better than mine:
"You cannot be truthful if you are not courageous.
You cannot be loving if you are not courageous.
You cannot be trusting if you are not courageous.
You cannot enter into reality if you are not courageous.
Hence courage comes first... and everything else follows.”
Osho, 1931-1990
Indian Spiritual Teacher

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire
French Poet and Philosopher

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson
From her book: Return To Love

Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Often the real test of courage is not to die, but to live.
- Conte Vittorio Alfieri
Italian Dramatist
Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
20th Century German Poet

And while it takes courage to achieve greatness, it takes more courage to find fulfillment in being ordinary. For the joys that last have little relationship to achievement, to standing one step higher on the victory platform. What is the adventure in being ordinary? It is daring to love just for the pleasure of giving it away. It is venturing to give new life and to nurture it to maturity. It is working hard for the pure joy of being tired at the end of the day. It is caring and sharing and giving and loving…
- Marilyn Thomsen

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
- Victor Hugo

Hope has two beautiful daughters - their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.
- St. Augustine

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao Tzu
Chinese Philosopher