Courage to Change - Recovery is a Leap of Faith

RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION IS...A LEAP OF FAITH

When I go to sleep I have faith that I will awake in the morning, that is faith...We have nothing to fear, but fear itself...Faith without works is dead.

I believe that I became an alcoholic because when I drank, I experienced a feeling that I could summon with little or no work whenever I needed it or wanted it. I believe that I could not accept a program of recovery because I was afraid to change. I was afraid to try something new or different; I was unwilling to give up what used to work; I was afraid to surrender to something that appeared to work for many others. I knew that there was a program of recovery that required me to surrender my fear and only to become willing, humble and honest. I did not have the courage to take a leap of faith.

I was hanging on a mountain cliff. I had fallen off a path with a back pack; everything in my pockets fell out as I hung on to a branch sticking out of the rocks of the cliff with both hands. I looked down and saw jagged rocks and pounding waves. There appeared to be no one around. I could hear noises of life around me but I could not understand anything I heard. As both hands tired, I would hang one hand at a time changing hands. Gradually all my fingers were so tired that I could not hang on much longer and shouted for help, but I could not hear the response that I was looking for. It was only when the pain was too great and when I became too tired of fighting to hang on did I agree to let go of the branch.

I fell a great distance and landed on another branch that was stronger and could hold me as I sat and rested. Now that I had fallen farther, I could see that there was a clearing in the sea below with no rocks showing. If I could stand up and jump, I thought I could avoid the rocks below.
I wondered if my legs were strong enough to propel me far enough beyond the rocks against the wall of the cliff. I wondered if the wind would blow me against the face of the cliff. I wondered if there were rocks below the surface of the water that seemed to be safe. I became afraid that I would not make the fall and break something on the fall of several hundred feet. Maybe I should just sit and wait for someone to rescue me. I prayed to God to help me out of this mess. I sat for a long time hungry and thirsty. I became weaker and full of pain. I passed out several times. I thought I would die like this and then something inside me told me that I believed that it was not my destiny to die like this. I did not want to die like this. I had no choice. I had to jump. I had to take a leap of faith.

Suddenly I remembered a scene from the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” when Indiana Jones had to trust the instructions in his father’s note book to save his father’s life by reaching the goblet that was used by Jesus during the first communion. He was on one side of a great crevasse and could see nothing to get him to the other side where there was the cave – his destination. The instructions told him to walk over an invisible bridge. He decided to take a leap of faith. It worked. I have taken many leaps of faith in early recovery when I was scared and had doubts. I had to. I jumped feet first about 300 feet and then dove in head first. It was either that or continue to suffer until death.

I jumped only partially believing that I would be alright and would live. I hit the water and hit it hard. The water was cool and clean. It was salty and it was invigorating. I began to swim away from the rocks toward an area about 1200 yards from where I had landed. The current was strong and it tried to carry me back toward the rocks. I remembered not to fight the current but to swim along the current perpendicular to it until I had swam pass the current. I stopped thinking. I stopped being afraid and thought only to keep moving until I could reach the shore. It made me tired to keep swimming and I was pissed off at my situation but I kept swimming. The waves made me choke and foam and seaweed got in my mouth, nose and eyes. I skinned my knee on one of the rocks below. I kept going even though I wanted to stop and rest.

The water became shallower and I could finally stand up and started wading to the shore. I got to the beach and collapsed. I rested for a while and fell asleep. I woke up and realized that I had survived. I could see nothing but beach and sand for miles, but I knew that if I followed the shore I would eventually find the next sign back to civilization and safety. I knew? I guess I believed it. I guess I had faith that if I survived the leap that the next challenge would not be as difficult. After all, faith without works is dead. I started walking in the direction of the sun...

What is your Leap of Faith? What do you fear? What are you willing to try to test yourself? Do you have faith in yourself? Do you have faith in something greater than yourself?